for Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859)
They suck at math
knowing not
double negative
is positive
They always try
to put two and two together
never any other combination
They do voodoo
munching an apple a day
to keep the doctor at bay
They try to kill time
by shooting the breeze
They’re clueless
whenever something’s up
they turn over all stones
They always bark up
the wrong tree
knowing not
each tree has its own bark
They’re pessimistic
believing a cow out of the barn
is never coming back
or water under the bridge
isn’t still water
They all love to kavetch
but few bother to learn Yiddish
They always swear
on their mother’s grave
but forget to tell you
if she’s still with us
They think
it’s wrong to compare
apples and oranges
They fault a pig
for wearing lipstick
or a wolf dressed
in cashmere
They always wonder why
the chickens cross the road
as if the animals
had no right to do it
When they say
Be my guest
you better not stay
When they tell you
This is just between you and me
you should ask
And who else?
They suck in business
believing a penny saved
is a penny earned
while a Chinaman
makes a dollar
out of fifteen cents
They think one stone
for two birds is a steal
or a nest egg, a sweet deal
Their bull market
is full of bull
corner market
rarely stands at the corner
and flea market
does give you fleas
When the going goes tough
the tough blames China
or Mexico
They call a spade a spade
but not a lie a lie
They boo a socialist
but vote for a rapist
Their politicians have no bones
but plenty of bone spurs
They pay a prostitute
to open her mouth
and then pay her more
to keep it shut
They can hear a Supreme Court justice
flushing the toilet
not the screams of his rape victim
Only in America
Jew boys play Nazi
deporting refugees
dubbing it Miller Time
Only in America
a virus that is a hoax
can actually kill
They always say
God bless America
forgetting god
is an anagram of dog
and America just another
seven-letter word like asshole